T’was the snark before Christmas,
When, all through the house,
Not a person was sober,
Drunk on Famous Grouse.
The ladies asleep,
Jizz still in their hair,
As I crept out of bed,
And down, stair by stair.
Now under the tree,
Fallen off from the chez,
My 12-Pack of condoms,
And tossed off negligees.
But hark, do I see?
Do mine eyes deceive?
An unexplained gift,
On this Christmas Eve.
“Santa! He’s come!”
I yelled and exclaimed,
And danced, and pranced,
With no ounce of shame.
I picked up a note,
And read it with joy,
“Zachary, ho-ho-ho! You’ve been a very bad boy!”
My heart slowly sank,
With these words Santa wrote,
And my bones felt a chill,
Deep in my winter coat.
“You shameless lothario,
These women you’ve bed!
So for Christmas this year,
Not one more you will get.
I’ll teach you a lesson,”
He continued to scold.
“I’ll give you one crazy,
She’ll sure break the mold.
Her ass is as plump
As a ripe Christmas goose.
Her hair, red like holly,
Or bright Christmas fruit.”
“Oh no!” I cried out,
“Surely I don’t deserve!
Rapists or murderers,
But not this poor perv!”
With fear I did turn,
But to see standing there,
A girl, with an ass,
And the craziest hair.
My Christmas gift,
It appears, here to stay,
Is an unpleasant house guest,
In the snarkiest way.
—- Happy Holidays from the crew at A Couple of Snark —-
Love, Zack & Laura.
