I had alot of free time on my hands today, so I decided to try something new, and I bought a porno from Comcast On Demand. And don’t act like paying for it makes me some sort of disgusting freak; paying for porn is no different than whacking it to uploaded Facebook pictures of girls in slutty halloween costumes…not that I do that. I’m sorry if this is news to you, ladies, but “schoolgirl” is no longer sexy because the short skirts make your legs look chunky and do nothing for your pancake ass, while the thick glasses emphasize your large ears, asymmetrical face and chubby cheeks, and the unbuttoned shirt that’s tied just above your waist simply draws stares to your protruding gut and ever so delectable muffin top.
Returning to the lecture at hand, this has to be the worst waste of $9.99 ever. I am currently watching a very fat gap-toothed girl with “rock” tattooed on one hand, and “roll” on the other vigorously attempting to pleasure herself, withuptempo jazz music featured as the soundtrack.
THIS IS NOT WHAT I PAID FOR. The film (I use the term film very loosely…as loosely as the cooches on TV are dangling) is titled, “Slutty Sorority”. You would imagine, that this film might have something to do with drunken co-eds exploring their sexual identities with each other after a night of raucous partying, culminating in a very sensual pillow fight, as they push the boundaries of their collegiate sexuality while Peter Frampton’s “Do You Feel Like I Do” echoes softly in the background. The description was way off, as well…here’s what it said:
Slutty Sorority Sisters: Hot Dorm Room Sex – These young girls are so desperate to be included in this exclusive sorority, they get nude and naughty for our cameras – and so much more!
Bullshit. I kid you not, this is merely a collection of some of the nastiest looking, has-been porn stars I have ever seen doing nothing but fingering themselves.
Uptempo jazz? Really?
Comcast, I want my money back.
